Did you know that executive functioning skills can affect how a child understands, uses, and learns language?

When we think about communication development, we often focus on vocabulary, sentences, or following directions. But underneath those skills are important executive functioning (EF) skills—the mental processes that help children pay attention, remember information, manage impulses, shift between activities, and use what they know.

For young children, these skills are still developing. Understanding them can help parents recognize why a child may know something but struggle to use it in the moment. So what may look like lack of motivation is in actuality, executive function that needs support alongside the language. It’s the missing key —

1. What Are Executive Functioning Skills?

Executive functioning is a group of cognitive skills that help us plan, focus, remember, control our responses, and adapt to changes.

In early childhood, this includes skills such as:

• Working memory: Remembering information long enough to use it
• Attention: Focusing on a person, activity, or instruction
• Inhibitory control: Pausing or stopping an impulse
• Cognitive flexibility: Shifting attention or adapting to changes
• Planning: Thinking about what needs to happen next

These skills develop gradually throughout childhood—and they are closely connected to successful communication.

2. How Does Executive Functioning Connect to Language?

Language and executive functioning work together.

A child may need working memory to remember a multi-step direction, attention to listen to a story, and cognitive flexibility to understand that the same word can mean different things depending on the situation.

For example, when you say: “Go get your shoes and bring them to me.”

Your child needs to:

1. Attend to what you said.
2. Remember the instruction.
3. Understand the language.
4. Plan what to do.
5. Complete the steps.

If one of these executive functioning skills is still developing, a child may appear as though they “aren’t listening” or “don’t understand,” when the actual challenge may be holding onto and organizing the information.

3. What Does It Look Like in Everyday Life?

You can see executive functioning skills throughout your child’s day!

Your child may be practicing EF when they:

• Wait for a turn during a game
• Remember where they put a toy
• Follow a familiar routine
• Stop when you say “wait”
• Transition from playtime to mealtime
• Follow a 2-step direction
• Choose what they need for an activity
• Adjust when something doesn’t go as expected
• Remember what happened earlier in the day
• Stay with an activity long enough to finish it

Difficulty with these skills doesn’t automatically mean there is a developmental concern. Young children’s executive functioning skills are naturally immature and continue developing over many years.

4. An Easy Way to Notice EF Skills

Try looking at what happens before, during, and after a routine.

For example, getting ready to leave the house requires your child to:

Remember → Plan → Sequence → Communicate → Transition

Ask yourself:

• Can my child remember what comes next?
• Do they need reminders for each step?
• Can they follow familiar directions?
• Can they shift from one activity to another?
• Can they communicate when they need help?
• What happens when the routine changes?

This can help you see which skills are developing and where your child may need additional support.

5. How Can Parents Support Executive Functioning?

The good news? You can build these skills during everyday activities!

Try:

Break it down: Give one or two steps at a time instead of a long list of directions.

Use routines: Predictable routines reduce the amount of information your child has to process.

Show, don’t just tell: Use pictures, gestures, visual schedules, or demonstrations alongside spoken language.

Give processing time: Pause after giving a direction so your child has time to understand and respond.

Practice flexibility: Make small, manageable changes to familiar routines and help your child problem-solve.

Play games: Simple games involving turn-taking, stopping and starting, matching, memory, and following rules naturally exercise executive functioning.

Talk through the process: Model language such as “First shoes, then car,” “Hmm…what do we need?” or “That didn’t work. Let’s try another way.”

Remember: Executive Functioning Is a Skill, Not a Behavior

When a young child struggles to follow directions, transition, remember information, or manage their response, it can be tempting to think they are not listening, being difficult, or refusing to cooperate.

Instead, consider asking:

“Is this a skill my child is still learning?”

Supporting executive functioning isn’t about expecting young children to have adult-level organization or self-control. It’s about providing the structure, repetition, language, and support they need while these skills develop.

And because executive functioning and language are interconnected, supporting one can create opportunities to strengthen the other.

Small everyday moments—getting dressed, cleaning up toys, playing a game, reading a book, or preparing for bedtime—can become opportunities to build both communication and executive functioning skills.